its been a while since i last posted… not that many ppl r following my blog anyways heh..
i still occasionally miss the boy… i still wonder how he is every now n then… but the feeling ebbs quicker now.. n i don feel the heartbreaking pangs that much anymore whenever he does smth that hurts.. either i’ve grown stronger or he’s attempts to inflict pain has weakened…
at any rate… im glad for the new lease of life work has provided me. its nothing much but its exciting nonetheless and makes me feel like a useful member of society…
however i think some of his hurt is permanent and takes a longer time to heal. whether he means it or not, he has made me highly suspicious of the ppl around me. i thought i was over it until recent incidents related to money have proved otherwise.
the short of the long is that he apparently got into a bit of a financial mess due to the recent bouts of economic crisis and has approached me for a loan. ME of all ppl… the one he ditched rather ruthlessly…
now most girls with any common sense would not loan him the $. of cos i didn’t.. my inner economic sense spoke rather loudly you see for he has yet to make good any of his previous ‘loans’ … the one that irked me the most was our supposed ‘getaway’ that never happened but somehow my $500 did not return to me after almost 10 months since the getaway cui-ed…
what happened? i really don’t know and i’d rather not ask any further… i tried to get it back n he always said he would but then this crisis happened… do i want to throw another stone into his already sinking boat? what good would that do me? so i left my stone untouched hoping some day that he would return my $… or maybe one day i will be earning monumental sums of $$ such that $500 is small change then its all good…
anyway back to his request for a loan. i turned him down as tactfully as i could n it really showed up his true colours.. previously when he thought i could help, he was nice n polite.. sweet even… but the min i said no, he stopped contacting me, and when i tried to express concern over his predicament, he was curt n almost near rude..
perhaps this really shows his true nature, his ugly side, which sent a cold wind through my heart: are humans all like that? can there ever be true innocent love? or will modern day love always be overshadowed by this looming cloud of economic distrust and suspicion..?
more specifically: r the men i adore all of this type of character / calibre? r they all jerks to begin with? am i destined for less than perfect or loneliness for the rest of time?
hell i’d rather choose singlehood over the former.. at least i know i’d b a swingingly cool / rich / beautiful single without a worry in the world… loneliness heck i will learn to deal… in fact i think im doing a pretty good job of enjoying my alone time… =)
dragon looms.. i wish he would beckon for me…
